I will be the first to admit that dating has never been my forte. I feel like I have some type of grasp (sometimes a strong grasp sometimes not so strong) on every other part of my life but the part called "relationships of the romantic sort." Why is that? I think we all have to have a weak spot and mine just happens to be dating.
Don't get me wrong, I have dated before...even seriously, but if you are the type that defines success in the dating world as "marriage," then I can't claim dating success. And frankly, right now I am not looking for that kind of "success." Maybe one day I will give you the complete history, but in the meantime here is what has brought me to this point.
The last relationship I had ended horribly last summer. We will call him, "Atlanta boy." (You should know that I have this theory...I call males "boys" until they prove me wrong. hee hee hee.) Although Atlanta boy was supportive of my professional endeavours (which is a must ladies), we were incompatible in other ways...well one big way. Unfortunately I found out all of this the hard way and well, it hurt. And I decided I was tired of being hurt by boys. I mean logically if you only marry one person then it stands to reason that there are a lot of relationships gone wrong along the way, but man it doesn't make any of those breakups hurt any less.
Being the problem solver that I am, I decided to "swear off men (and boys)" or as I called it in my "Roxanne language" Guyiatus (a guy hiatus). I officially started my Guyiatus in July. I met many guys through the next coming months. I made it clear to all of them that I was on a Guyiatus. It perplexed some, others encouraged it in a ridiculous attempt at reverse psychology. Some were even persistent and insisted on giving or getting my number. I obliged but was clear that I would not call them or return their calls. Not because I was being a "rules girl," but because I was on a Guyiatus by golly!
During my Guyiatus I found I had all this time that I didn't have before. When you consciously take a break from guys, there is a whole world of drama, insecurity, and uncertainty that is removed from you life. I had time to reflect on who I was, what I wanted out of a relationship, and what I was and was not willing to compromise. My Guyiatus caught on, and several of my my friends decided to start their own Guyiatus.
In December aka month 5 of my Guyiatus I met a boy and there was instant mutual chemistry. I thought that maybe just maybe God was nudging me off of my Guyiatus. I met JamEnglish (I call him that because he is part Jamaican and part English) at an event. JamEnglish was only in town for the weekend. Again, there was instant chemistry. JamEnglish invited me to dinner, and I obliged. Now I am a lawyer by training and an inquisitive person by birth. Add to that my skepticism where guys are concerned and a five month Guyiatus, and you get a women unafraid of asking questions. I learned a lot about JamEnglish prior to agreeing to go to dinner. But as we sat down for dinner, I noticed for the first time a ring on JamEnglish's finger. It wasn't a band but rather a ring with a lion or something on it. So I asked, "what is that ring? Are you married?" Much to my shock, he said, "Yes."
Game over! Lordy! JamEnglish was not a reason to end my Guyiatus but rather a reminder just in case I lost focus during the holidays that a Guyiatus is where I need to be.
February. How cliche. February was the month that I officially decided to end my Guyiatus. It wasn't because I met a guy, but rather because my mindset naturally changed. During the last week in January, I realized that a Guyiatus didn't really suit me anymore and I wanted a new word to describe my current state. Guyiet (Guy Diet) was what I felt best described it. My friend/brother Daniel called me out on my new term, "Guyiet and Guyiatus don't mean the same thing. Guyiet means that you have limited contact with Guys...restricted." Ahhhh, Daniel was on to something. Something I couldn't ignore. So I took the weekend to decide if I wanted to continue with the Guyiatus or move to the next phase...the Guyiet.
I thought about what I learned (all the things I mentioned above and more). The most important thing that was reaffirmed was that if I never meet a man to walk through life with, that is okay. I would rather be alone than be in the wrong relationship, i.e with a guy who doesn't treat me right, who doesn't have the qualities I value, etc. So I decided it is okay to get my feet wet.
And so the Guyiet goes: (these points may seem obvious, but I am rusty...I have been on a Guyiatus remember?)
- I am open to meeting boys (they are still boys) and am even open to the fact that boys are capable of being men.
- I don't run to or after a boy...they run to or after me.
- I will not compromise my foundation, beliefs, etc. for the likes of a boy. A boy that expects, pressures, or pushes that is not worth my time...no matter how great he might have seemed initially.
- Most relationships don't work, so I need not fret a failed relationship.
- If I lose any balance/focus...if the scales tip, Guyiatus here I come!
How is my Guyiet going? I am feeling pretty good about the Guyiet thus far. There are some boys that may turn out to be men, but I am not worried about it. Baby steps!
Have a great weekend!
-RXW
No comments:
Post a Comment