Attention Men: You Can't Have Your Cake and Eat it Too!!

As you know I went on a guyaitus (def. swear off men) 11 months ago. My guyaitus lasted for 7 months and in February I decided to go on a guyiet (def. lightly dabble in men in moderation but take none of them seriously). Well I have to admit I am at a loss. For all of my desire to be more cautious this time around you can't avoid everything.


Let me back up...I met a guy in March...we hit it off...I enjoyed his company...of course things were casual per the rules of the guyiet. He...let's call him Barry has just broken up with his girlfriend of about a year so he wasn't looking for anything serious. Perfect right? Ha ha ha. We hung out a couple of time and had a really good time. Great conversation, etc. But as we communicated via text message (yes this is the guy I told you about a while back) phone, email, etc., something was off. He was flaky about his correspondence with me. I knew something was wrong but couldn't quite put my finger on it. And since we weren't serious or even close to serious, I didn't worry about it.

Well after probably about three weeks of not seeing each other, we had dinner last weekend. I had forgotten how much fun I had with Barry and was reminded of that over dinner. We made plans for lunch the following week. As I was getting in my car to head to lunch, I got "the call." Something had come up and he was going to have to postpone probably about an hour. I told Barry that it was fine and he told me he would call me back. That was at 1pm on Friday. I am yet to get a phone call back from Barry! What is the deal?

It would probably be fine if that was the end, but the next day Barry and I were separately at the same event. I say "separately" because we weren't there together, but Barry wasn't alone. Barry brought his girlfriend. Yes I said GIRLFRIEND. I know this because she and others referred to the committed relationship between Barry and his girlfriend. Yikes! So basically, unbeknownst to me Barry and his ex got back together, or maybe they never broke up, I really don't know. All I know is that he and his ex insisted on hanging out with me at the event. Can you imagine with me for one moment how awkward it is to discover that a guy you were seeing has a girlfriend and in the same moment have to spend time with them as if everything was honky dory. Welcome to my world. It was so uncomfortable and disrespectful to me and to Barry's girlfriend. I am an adult, and I can handle news like "I got back together with my girlfriend." I wish that Barry had respected me and his girlfriend enough to tell me where things stood.

After the event, Barry texted me (I really do disdain and love the art of text messaging) to make sure I got home safely. That was a total cop out. Apologize! Bone up to your actions. But please don't beat around the bush.

I ignored the text but later texted him and called him out on everything. Do you know what his response was? Barry said that he thought I knew about his girlfriend and he didn't understand why it was a big deal since I am casually dating a few people. I will admit this brought out the lawyer in me!
A) I knew that he and his girlfriend were no longer...translation "off."
B) I am on a guyiet it is true, but I am only dating men that are single...translation=no wife or GIRLFRIEND!
How hard is that to understand?
All Barry could say was that he does NOT have a girlfriend. (Could have fooled me.)

Although I think Barry is a nice guy and I would could continue being his friend, I was really bothered by the lack of common decency. So many things were wrong with what he did:
- Knowing that I was going to be there, he could have told me the truth prior to the awkward and embarrassing encounter.
- Respect your girlfriend enough to treat her well and stop seeing other people.
- As Mr. Houseman (aka Jerry Orbach) said in Dirty Dancing, "When I am wrong, I say I am wrong." If you totally screw up like Barry did, admit it. Don't deny it. It makes you look worse.

Alas, these are my trials and tribulations related to dating. Do you feel my pain?

- RXW